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McSwagger

What can a poor boy do
’cept to sing for a rock’n’roll band…

When trying to fill Mick’s shoes, one’s feet must move at blinding speed. We have yet to see a performance photo of McSwagger that isn’t slightly blurred from the constant motion. Except for this one… it’s the only one! We had to look high and low for it.

McSwagger brings it every show. Every night. We’re not saying what he brings. We don’t want no trouble, capiche? ‘Cause his incendiary performances are so dazzling we figure it must be illegal. But anyway, he brings it!

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Jett SILVERz

I was born in a crossfire hurricane…

Ever since seeing a Kramer Guitar ad featuring John McEnroe and Vitas Gerulaitis, Jett has dreamt of being a tennis star. Wimbledon, Flushing Meadows…, he can almost taste it, but his name disqualifies him: Jett Silvers. Um, really? Double Ts? (We’re working to bring him out of the ‘80s - Ed.)

Besides, the ITF won’t let him bring his guitar onto the court. It’s a bummer.

Speaking of guitar, he’s a super player, so while he may never realize his dream of pounding the clay at the French Open, the rest of us couldn’t care less. We’re just happy he’s in the band!

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FleéTe McTavish

She took my guitar and she began to play,
She sang a song to me, stuck right in my brain…

Fleéte plays guitar. Oh, and he’s down with binomial coefficients & divergent sequences and… uh… some other thing we can’t remember.

Actually, that last statement may not be true. But he does play guitar. And he figured out the chords to Tumbling Dice, so he got the gig, but he has to clean up after the band and take our dry cleaning. And we make him separate out the yellow M&Ms, because backstage, yellow M&Ms are, well, not welcome.

Yes it’s demeaning, but he doesn’t complain very loudly. Besides, we think he may be pocketing the M&Ms…

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Bones

I’m a fleabit peanut monkey,
All my friends are junkies…

As the old guy of the group, Bones relished the the challenge of representing Bill Wyman: a fellow possessed with the musical knowledge of Mozart and the stage presence of Methuselah.

We crate him after the gig and mark him FRAGILE: Historic Relic Enclosed.

He doesn’t mind, it’s a big crate. Actually, bigger than a flat in Soho…

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Charlie Wattsyourproblem?!

My heart beats louder
than a big bass drum!

Much like his hero - the other Charlie - Charlie Wattsyourproblem?! has a fascination with groove, and fabulous clothes…

He’s groovy.
And Fabulous.
And he smells wonderful………..

Okay, now that’s just silly.

That dude is always on time yo, even when he’s late!

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Ace FigNewton

I’m going red, my tongue’s getting tied,
I’m off my head, my mouth’s getting dry…

He’s a regular guy. It’s the figs. But hey, we don’t want to talk about that…

In the tradition of the late, great Bobby Keys, Ace’s musicality and ear for the horn parts of the songs can best be described as poetic.

Poetic.
Boom.

Speaking of tour riders, we request that there are no televisions in his room while we’re touring, ‘cause Ace never met a TV he didn’t want to throw out a window. Its embarrassing (and expensive - Ed.)